New Life
by Hopless-case
Summary: Sometimes you know when somethings wrong, and sometimes you don't want to let go.


So long ago, I don't remember when  
  
That's when they say I lost my only friend  
  
Well they said she died easy of a broken heart disease  
  
As I listened through the cemetery trees  
  
I seen the sun comin' up at the funeral at dawn  
  
The long broken arm of human law  
  
Now it always seemed such a waste  
  
She always had a pretty face  
  
So I wondered how she hung around this place  
  
I remember the call – the way he sounded when he said my name, like I had just died. I remember glancing at the clock, reading ten o'clock, my head pounding from my headache. My stomach twisted when I heard him say my name, making me want to hurl even more than I had to before. I ask why he's calling, even though inside I know.  
  
She's hurt, real bad. Pulling on my jeans I try to not throw up, my stomach ready for me to be heaving over a porcelain bowl. I cough instead, pulling on my leather jacket as I dig my keys from my pocket. When I get into my car, my hands tremble, my breath short and rare as I turn the engine. Pulling from the curb, I can see my breath in the car, and shudder, causing another cough to spasm throughout my body.  
  
By the time I get inside, walking in through the doors and the smell of medicine filling my nostrils, I know that it isn't just real bad anymore. I know that whatever happened, means that she's going soon. Everyone is standing there, their faces pale, ashen gray. I swallow hard, and I find it hard to stand. I see Lieu, but he just shakes his head, and I follow everyone's eyes to a trauma room. I try to say something, ask what's going on, but all that comes out is a gurgle, followed by another cough. All eyes turn to me, sad, asking for some sign that I can fix this. I know that I can't, as do they. We all just need hope.  
  
"She was shot. Twice. Once in the shoulder, the other on her side, the bullet missed the vest." The voice is Swerksy's, and I just shake my head, my mind constantly saying no.  
  
I look into the trauma room, walking slowly towards it, trying to maintain some sort of thought. Looking through the window, I place my hand on the glass. There is blood all over the floor, and between the sides of doctors, I can see blonde hair. Turning to my side, I lean over, and throw up.  
  
Hey, come on try a little  
  
Nothing is forever  
  
There's got to be something better than  
  
In the middle  
  
But me & Cinderella  
  
We put it all together We can drive it home  
  
With one headlight  
  
I used to think that with me and her, nothing could happen. It would always be the two of us. I would have her back, she would have mine, and nothing would ever go wrong. If there was a guy with a gun pointed at her, I would shoot without thinking twice. I would step in front of a gun for her, I beg for them to take my life instead. To save her, would be giving me a purpose.  
  
We were apart when she got shot, and I wasn't there to jump to save her. We used to be able to read each other, to know when the other was taking charge. With one look, one quick glance, I could know whether she was going left or right, whether she was waiting for me to shoot, or she was going to. It was the way she leaned, how tense she was, her footing, it was in her eyes. I knew in a second if she was afraid, if she needed help, if she knew something was wrong. If I had been there, I would have been able to see the look on her face, know how scared she was, read her. But her partner then couldn't. He didn't know what it meant when her right middle finger covered the left over her 9mm, he didn't know it was a cry for help.  
  
She said it's cold  
  
It feels like Independence Day  
  
And I can't break away from this parade  
  
But there's got to be an opening  
  
Somewhere here in front of me  
  
Through this maze of ugliness and greed  
  
And I seen the sign up ahead  
  
At the county line bridge  
  
Sayin' all there's good and nothingness is dead  
  
We'll run until she's out of breath  
  
She ran until there's nothin' left  
  
She hit the end it's just her window ledge  
  
They let me in to see her, saying that she may not have much time. They pulled the bullet from her side, but it's done so much damage, the surgery may not have done enough. She's lost so much blood, and the bullet is still in her shoulder.  
  
Walking over next to the bed, and sitting down in a hard plastic chair, I take her hand in mine. She looks so weak and pale, so small and alone. Her eyes open, and a half grin tries to work its way onto her face. I force myself to smile, hearing myself tell her that it will be okay. She tells me not to lie, that she knows when I lie, and I can't help but feel the tears creep up. She says that it's okay to cry, and I wonder if I should be the one instructing her not to worry. Her voice is raspy, like it hurts for her to talk.  
  
"Does it hurt?" My voice sounds foreign to me, shaking. I don't know why I ask, but I have too, I have to know. I have to know if she's in pain, I need her to not be. A tear just falls from her eye, rolling down the side of her face and onto starchy sheets.  
  
"No."  
  
Just like she can read me, I can read her, and I know she is lying. It only makes me cry harder, the tears coming faster. I don't bother to wipe them away, I am not ashamed. I look into her eyes for one last time, and know that she knows I am aware of the truth. I say that it's okay, that I would understand, and she chokes out a soft wet gurgle, a whimper, and she closes her eyes, a single tear falling. Her body falls still, her chest stops moving up and down, and the grip she had on my hand before loosens. I lower my forehead to her hand, and weep.  
  
Hey, come on try a little  
  
Nothing is forever  
  
There's got to be something better than  
  
In the middle  
  
But me & Cinderella  
  
We put it all together We can drive it home  
  
With one headlight  
  
I always wondered, if it would hurt more to die, or to stay alive. I asked her once, and she said she didn't know. She knows now, and so do I, even though I wish I didn't. I wish I still wondered if it hurt more to die, than to stay alive. Through this pain that has now entered my veins though, I am positive that breathing is harder than holding my breath forever. My stomach hurts, my chest tightens, my throat won't let air in or out.  
  
I kiss her hand, taking one last look at her face before turning and leaving the room. My head down, I can feel their stares. Looking up, I am vaguely aware that tears are still falling. Their faces fall, and I turn from them, not able to watch. My vision becomes blurry; my feet seem to take me nowhere way too fast, my head pounds, my chest still hurts, and my stomach feels like it's a bottomless pit.  
  
Walking away from the smell of medicine, the cold air hits my body, chilling me even more than I already am. I make it to my car, and grip the steering wheel so hard that my knuckles turn white. I scream, scraping my throat raw as I pound my fist onto the dashboard.  
  
Well this place is old  
  
It feels just like a beat up truck  
  
I turn the engine, but the engine doesn't turn  
  
Well it smells of cheap wine and cigarettes  
  
This place is always such a mess  
  
Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn  
  
I'm so alone, and I feel just like somebody else  
  
Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same  
  
But somewhere here in between the city walls of dyin' dreams  
  
I think her death it must be killin' me  
  
I find myself able to take in short shallow breaths, my diaphragm spasming as I cough. I cannot fight this sickness, this demon any longer. Without her now, it seems like there is nothing here, like everything is worthless. I take in a deep breath, my tears finally holding back.  
  
I wish I could have saved her, taken away her pain. I wish that living now without her wasn't so hard, but living with her was everything that made the day worth it. Finally being able to breath again, I take in a deep breath, ready to try and live this new life.  
  
Hey, come on try a little  
  
Nothing is forever  
  
There's got to be something better than  
  
In the middle  
  
But me & Cinderella  
  
We put it all together We can drive it home  
  
With One Headlight 


End file.
